I'm one of those people that likes to accomplish a lot of things with their day. And needless to say, having an eight-week old really cuts back on what you can accomplish.
Learning to give myself grace in this area is one of the hardest things I'm facing in motherhoood. I like to keep my home spotless. I like to bake and try out intricate new recipes. I like to do crafts and sewing projects. And, well, a lot of those things just don't make it into the day anymore.
Things can only be accomplished during nap time, and then I'm faced with the choice of "What should I do with this time?" Shower? Do the dishes? Mop the floor? Pay some bills or sort through paperwork? What is most important? Agh! And why can't I do it all!
I'm definitely Martha in the well-known Bible story of Mary and Martha. I'd be the one trying to clean while Jesus was teaching...and then asking Him if He could force others to help me. It's hard for me to relax when things aren't "done." And, things are never done. There is always more I could be doing.
Real life
But then I heard the Lord whisper, "Do you have strength for today?"
And I had to admit...that, yes, I had enough strength to make it through the remaining hours of the day.
And I realized that's all I have to do right now. Today. I just have to make it through today. Tomorrow is promised to no one, and it does no good to worry about all the future things I will have to face. All of them piled up in my brain at one time may be more than I can take, but today...well, I can handle today. And that's all I'm supposed to be handling anyways.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
Matthew 6:34
And speaking of trouble...ahem...my little toilet paper shredder...
It is a very overwhelming realization how much time a little baby takes up! I often feel like I am one step behind. And you are so right, one day at a time is how we should all look at it. Especially because babies change so quickly. My baby just entered the stage of "un-cleaning/folding" everything I do. She is curious and I've had to learn to let things go a bit. Soon enough she will be old enough to help me, and then I'll be sad because my baby will be gone! I had a lady once drop off food for me after I had my baby and I was so overwhelmed and embarrassed because she walked in and my home was a mess and I was so flustered. I said "I'm sorry, I know I'm doing this all wrong" and she said "oh no, Amy. Your only goal is to keep the baby alive". It sounds silly now but it really brought me down to Earth at the time and helped me to let go a bit. I'm sure you are doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteYou made me laugh out loud! I will remember that one to pass on to new moms. What a wonderful thing for her to say. I was embarrassed about the state of my home when people were bringing us meals in the first weeks too. I try to remember that even when it seems like I've accomplished nothing, I've kept both of us alive for that day!
DeleteI can so relate to how you consider yourself as a "Martha". On more than one occasion I have find myself running around like crazy, trying to do everything perfectly, and becoming overwhelmed at "never" being finished. Especially of late with my house. I'm not trying to keep a baby alive (which btw, I know you are doing the best job at that), but I have been in and out my house so much from working on our property, helping family out, and not mention the influx of church functions, housework has been put to the side, more often than I like. And I am not at all fond of walking in the kitchen to cook, and not being able to find the utensil needed, because it has yet to be washed from it's last use. But it is one of the many little ways GOD teaches us patience, and to rely on HIM for HIS never ending strength.
ReplyDeleteKeep up with the awesome job you are doing of being a mom. He won't be little long. Enjoy these precious days. :)
Angel
Not having the utensil I needed because it's dirty--I can relate to that! Especially because we don't have a dishwasher, I always have to be on top of the dishes or it gets frustrating fast. Not to mention it's no fun to cook in a dirty kitchen...
DeleteBut yes, we need to feel like we can't do it all, because I know if I *did* do it all, pride would build up in my heart. Struggles do keep us running back to God looking for His help and strength.