Pregnancy Weight

With my last pregnancy, I gained fifty pounds (maybe even 55 if you'd weighed me on the day I had him). I never in a million years expected to gain so much! I thought for sure I would have one of those "cute" pregnant bellies and gain around 25 or 30 at the most. My mother had gained only 25 pounds with each of her babies and I just expected I would do the same.

It was so hard to be carrying around that much weight by the end of the pregnancy. I felt huge. Like a monster that made the earth rumble under my feet with each step--pound, pound, pound. And waddle, waddle, waddle, of course.

Going into this for the second time, I have to admit that's the thing I'm really not looking forward to. Feeling huge, having trouble getting around, barely being able to walk. It's the worst part of pregnancy in my book! Especially since this baby will be due in the heat of summer.

I keep wondering if there's any way I could gain less this time, and if it would be healthy to do so? Am I just one of those people who needs to gain a ton of weight to be able to carry a healthy baby? Did I overeat? I put no limit on my intake of food, as midwives and doctor's generally advise against it today unless you have a condition like gestational diabetes. I ate almost entirely healthy, made from scratch meals. But I ate SO much of everything. Especially in the last two months.

I have been lucky in that breastfeeding allowed me to shed all of my pregnancy weight by four months postpartum. So at least I am going into the second pregnancy without extra weight from the first. However, this time, I hope to watch the quantity of what I eat and really ask myself if I "need" to eat more, or am just eating from boredom. It may not make a difference in what I gain.....

But it would be so nice to only gain 25 pounds and still feel somewhat agile! Especially since I will have another little person to chase after this time!

The Unexpected

It's a windy and cold day here, and there is a lot that my brain is processing.

The last two weeks have been very eventful. There has been a lot of bad news. Our only car was in a car accident and is out of commission. A family member suffered a heart attack. Other family members are having problems with their jobs. A friend broke up with her fiance and their engagement is over. In the midst of all this, I had a teething baby that was clingy and whiny. To top it off, this is my husband's busy season for work and he is away on business almost every week.

When he finally did make it home to us for the weekend, he was sick and the weekend we had hoped to enjoy together was instead full of tissues, coughing, and a fever.

In the midst of all this, we learned something surprising: we are pregnant with baby number two. Wow. With our first only 7 months old, you can bet I was surprised starring at that positive pregnancy test. So many things ran through my mind. People will think we are crazy. How will I manage two under two?

But despite the little fears that creep in, I know deep in my soul that this is good. And that this is right. I could never know when to "plan" the next child for us. There are too many things to consider and I'd get overwhelmed. But God knows. And His timing is perfect, so we can rest assured that this is the perfect time for this child to come to us.

So we thank Him and look forward to who this child will be and what they will add to our family.

Now that I already have one, I look forward even more to what they will be like--their personality, their hair color, their face. I look forward to meeting them for the first time...that precious moment that can never be forgotten. Their little newborn cry. There is so much to look forward to!

And for every thought that whispers, "what if" and "how will you..." there is the strength and peace of God that envelopes me and reassures me that He will give me what I need each day at a time.

When the Kitchen is Clean...

You should make sure there is photographic evidence. My husband is away on business for a few days, and not having to cook dinner meant extra time and less dishes. So I actually accomplished this:

Yes, it feels glorious. I don't see the kitchen this clean very often. There's usually at least 20 dishes in the sink. And today I even mopped the floors! *pats self on back*  It's not easy getting things done when you have a 4 month old and are up from 3-5 in the morning. If some of these photos are a little bit blurry, that's because I was trying not to get a certain curious baby in the photos... 

I was wearing him in my wrap and trying to take pictures around him. Here's an even more hilarious one when I used the flash and nearly blinded him. :P

 Most of the time my house is decked out along these lines....messy desks...

 And just a full on wild circus of craziness with my two cats who love to knock over my chair. Every. Single. Day.

 I'm learning to let go. I'm a perfectionist and I love a clean house. But when I remember the things that make it messy--my dear husband, my crazy cats, and my precious baby--I wouldn't ever, *ever* trade them for a quiet, clean, magazine-worthy house. 

The Prideful Parent

I flew to Colorado for a wedding last week with our eight week old and he did amazing on the plane ride. While other babies screamed and cried, he slept or smiled at people. The people next to me, no doubt relieved, told me what "a good baby he is!"

It would be easy for me to think..."Why, yes, he is a good baby, and I must've had something to with it!"

While I was tempted to congratulate myself that my child had not caused any discomfort to the surrounding passengers, I really had no right to. I was just as nervous as the next parent when I got on that plane, not knowing how my child would handle the flight. I wasn't any better than the parent whose baby screamed. I didn't do anything different to make my baby not be sensitive to the pressure changes and ear popping. I was just lucky. Or rather, it was only by God's grace that he did so well!

I'm finding it would be easy as a parent to take pride in our child's accomplishments or behavior, when really we should be thanking God for what he has given us in them.

I have been learning to replace thoughts like, "My baby slept a six hour stretch last night! That's because of all the work I've put into sleep training him. I've done a great job! People whose babies aren't sleeping must be lazy and not putting the work into it" with thoughts of "Thank you, Lord, for letting him sleep a six hour stretch at night. Thank you for your mercy!"

Like any person without children, I had my thoughts about how I was going to raise my child. But I've discovered you can't just make plans and follow them with babies. Sometimes babies don't respond how you want them to! Imagine that!

My personality likes to think if you just do A you'll get B. If you put the work into something and follow a method you'll get results.

In no area has this been challenged more than in sleep training my little guy. I had multiple friends who have followed a certain method and had great results. Their babies were sleeping through the night at five weeks! I set out to do the same....but surprise, my baby is now ten weeks and still not sleeping through the night.

For weeks I was bitter as I suffered sleep deprivation. Instead of being thankful that he was sleeping five hour stretches, I kept hoping he'd extend his nighttime sleep more. Then, we went through two weeks of sleep regression when he was up every 1 to 2 hours. I began to drool just thinking of the five hour stretches I used to get.

It changed my perspective and now I pray prayers of thankfulness for God's mercy as I get up with him during the night. I am not owed anything. I do not deserve anything. Not even sleep.

 God has humbled me greatly through my son, and for that I am thankful. I cannot judge another parent because I don't know what they are facing. They may be the best parents in the world and I may catch their child on a bad day. They may have put in the all the work, all the discipline, all the time...and yet their child hasn't responded to it well. We may labor and make plans, but the results are ultimately from the Lord. So instead of being puffed up at what I've accomplished in raising my child, let me fall on my knees and thank the Lord for his mercy!